NOVEMBER 2001

Copyright (c) 2001 by drlimerick.com. All rights reserved.

1 Nov 2001

Bush to issue executive order preventing release of Reagan papers

They're defying our examination

With legal prestidigitation

And legerdemain

To deceive us again

When they show us their next depredation.

2 Nov 2001

Mueller to public: "Please help us find more clues"

The FBI's Mueller will rue

The day he said, "What should we do?"

But 'though FBI's lonely

It's hardly the only

Agency without a clue.

2 Nov 2001

McCain: Private security not good enough for Capitol, so why airports?

The laissez-faire House GOP

Shows its doubts about enterprise free:

"We, Demos and Gops

Are protected by cops

But ex-cons are sufficient for thee."

4 Nov 2001

NYT: GOP candidates not relying on Bush magic for 2002 elections

The state and congressional Gops

Won't rely on the man at the top;

Their major resistance

To campaign assistance

Is that they know that with him the bucks stop.

Local Republicans ought

Whenever by voters they're caught

Helping Bush subsidize

A bunch of rich guys

To say, "Bush is the one who was bought."

Bush will be able to cope

'Cause his stature is built upon hope

That he'll win the war;

So they'll forgive him for

His refusal to throw them a rope.

4 Nov 2001

George Will cites Dred Scott decision to support gun proliferation

In school, we learned Chief Justice Taney

Used spurious, racist balogna

To rule that Dred Scott

Be a free man, could not

For which Taney deserves his ignom'ny.

Along comes the fool, George F. Will

For the gun lobby, acting as shill

To write that Dred Scott

Says "militias" are not

Required for license to kill.

He's so Right, that he's not even hesitant

To mock all the decades of precedent

By courts high and low

That say it ain't so --

"Bearing arms" means militias, not residents.

5 Nov 2001

Some states may fight on versus Microsoft

The settlement's strained and contrived,

It looks like the Feds took a dive;

So some of the plaintiffs

Will show what they're made of

And keep anti-trust law alive.

5 Nov 2001

Diamondbacks win World Series at last minute

In the West, where they have what it takes

They know if you tangle with Snakes

Be sure of your kill

Or the snake likely will

Take you down with its last dying shakes.

5 Nov 2001

Guy Fawkes Day recalls seventeenth-century terrorist plot

Today, we remember the error

Of thinking of cowardly terror

As phenomenon modern --

Guy'd have been a bin-Laden

If he'd just been a better preparer.

6 Nov 2001

Ashcroft targeting Oregon assisted-suicide doctors

The Fed'ralist mantra of "states' rights"

Says the sovereign states have a birthright

To define law and order

Within their own borders

Free from all forms of Federal o'ersight.

But this principle seems quite Swiss-cheesy;

John Ashcroft is finding it easy

To let principles slide

Whene'er he decides

That with sovereign state he's displease-y.

6 Nov 2001

Totally frivolous and unrelated to any current events!

I hope that this alphabet Greek

Serves you well as device mnenomique;

I'm sorry I cahn't

Use a suitable font

For the symbols you're learning to speak.

ALPHA's a helium atom;

BETA, portfolio datum.

Disease we're annulling

With GAMMA globulin;

DELTA blues come from south of Rouge Baton.

A number impossibly small

By math types is EPSILON called;

ZETA pads the fine bones

Of Catherine Jones,

ETA's missed when your takeoff is stalled.

Ecological banners have THETA,

But the pols no IOTA will cater;

It seems KAPPA's sole claim

To alphabet fame

Is in scores of fraternity letters.

LAMBDA's in court for the gays,

MU's the av'rage that's sought by surveys;

NU, to say least

Is not wildebeest;

Don't use XI to describe how she sways.

OMICRON's like our short "o,"

For circles, PI's the ratio

Of the long hike around

To straight walk on the ground

(Or, if it's a pond, a straight RHO).

Deviation and sum are both SIGMA;

TAU, UPSILON both bear the stigma

Of being eschewed

In coinages new

For reasons remaining enigma.

PHI has many meanings in science;

CHI-Rho's Him on Whom we place reliance;

PSI for psychology;

OMEGA precisely

Shows resistance in 'lectric appliance.

7 Nov 2001

Major League Baseball approves first contraction of the modern era

Baseball is facing the truth

That short queues at the ticket booth

Show we're lacking the enzyme

For the national pastime

And have been since the days of Babe Ruth.

9 Nov 2001

U.S. to monitor attorney/client calls by suspected terrorists

The privilege of lawyer and client

Allows folks to be calm and reliant

So they get good advice;

Now we all should think twice

And assume a large eavesdropping giant.

11 Nov 2001

Gore got more votes under the law, but media says Bush won Florida

The recount results are just in:

The headlines all scream a Bush win

But below the fold

The true story is told --

The headline's just media spin.

If they'd counted the "overvote" ballots

Mistakenly tossed as invalid

They'd have seen Gore won big

But the recount was rigged

So "overvotes" wouldn't be tallied.

If Joe punches a chad and then writes

The same name with handwriting nice

The counting machine

Rejects, sight unseen

Such ballots for being marked twice.

But the law says the standard to use

Is whether Joe's merely confused

But intention is clear,

If so, then Joe's mere

Mistake does not his right reduce.

Gore erred when he didn't demand

An "overvote" recount by hand;

But if he had, Gore

Would have lost, 5-4

Because the Court decreed recounting canned.

It's clear, now, that Gore would have won

In a count that was honestly run

What makes me depressed

Is how the "liberal" press

Hid this fact under headlines, "Bush won."

11 Nov 2001

bin-Laden claims to have nuclear weapons

Osama's the latest of kooks

To tell everyone he has nukes;

It's good terror-fication

Because verification

Depends on our Keystone Kops spooks.

11 Nov 2001

Bush to U.N.: We must all fight terrorism together

Bush tried diplomatical tact

That his previous efforts have lacked;

He told the U.N.

We're all allies and friends

Now that we're the ones who've been attacked!

11 Nov 2001

Red Cross collected blood after 9/11 that it knew it could not use

If you lined up to donate your blood

You contributed to a great flood;

Excess blood bags were dripped

'Cause no one wished to nip

Communality off in the bud.

12 Nov 2001

American Airlines A-300 crashes in Queens

We're told by the powers that be

That the airplane crash most probably

Was an accident

With no evil intent

But it all looks suspicious to me.

12 Nov 2001

NYT: Florida discarded ballots of blacks, old folks disproportionately

The Florida vote-counting machine

Discarded disproportionately

Great numbers of ballots

Under claim of "invalid"

Of Dems' core constituencies.

12 Nov 2001

New analysts still don't get it -- or do they?

Op-Ed writers don't seem to get it,

Or maybe they just won't admit it;

The problem's the Putsch

Not the vote-count for Bush --

No patriot can just forget it.

13 Nov 2001

Afghan rebels take Kabul

The rebels have taken Kabul;

We hope they establish wise rule,

But if they repay us

With bloodshed and chaos

They'll be swapped for reliable tool.

13 Nov 2001

First things first: As soon as Taliban flee, men shave beards

It may strike you and me as quite weird

But the news, as you've probably heared

The priority

When the Talibans flee

Is to queue up to shave off the beards.

14 Nov 2001

Bush to try terrorism suspects in secret military courts

George Bush's executive order

Says if you are from outside our borders

And George Bush decides

You're on the wrong side

You're en route to Army Headquarters.

You'll be tried by procedure court-martial

By officers sworn as impartial,

But don't be naive;

Their Commander-in-Chief

Says you're guilty; the rest is quite farcial.

Your "judge" will betray no awareness

Of the rules of procedural fairness;

Bill of Rights 4, 5, 6

Are merely pin-pricks,

Here, "rights" are best known for their rareness.

It would be much more honest and truthful

To take you outside and just shoot you--

To read a report

Of this kangaroo court

Will take courage as well as a snoot-full.

15 Nov 2001

Armey angry over "American Taliban" label

Dick Armey says he's not amused

By reports in the mag, U.S. News

That many Hill Dems

Call him and his friends

The "American Taliban" crew.

He should have the good sense to fake it

On the record, the facts are quite naked

He calls Barney Frank

“Congressman Fag” –

He can dish it out, but he can’t take it.

15 Nov 2001

Court ruling prevents pro-GOP gerrymandering in Texas

The Republican Party of Texas

Socked the Dems in their solar plexus:

"Redistricting clever

Means that we Dems will never

Have a place where the voters elect us."

But the Federal Court of Appeals

Responding to Democrats' squeals

Said, "We hereby do stop

This attempt by the Gop

To take over the whole commonweal."

16 Nov 2001

Condit subpoenaed; Toricelli investigation ending; Mary Jo White resigning

Think back to the dog days of summer:

When nobody thought of Osama

Condit and Levy

Got the coverage heavy;

This week they restarted that drama.

Before that, it was Bob Toricelli

Alleged by the Gops to be smelly;

As usual, the Gops

Pulled out all the stops

With nothing to show for their sally.

Soon, Mary Jo White will resign

To find a more lucrative line;

Her special witch

To hunt was Marc Rich;

Whose headlines the Gops hid behind.

16 Nov 2001

"Harry Potter" opens

The cinema brings Harry Potter

With all of the merchandise fodder

Beginning the push

To the Christmastime rush

Bearing down without mercy or quarter.

19 Nov 2001

Al Gore joins MetWest; Bill Daley joins SBC

Their Rolodex full of connections

Accounts for these two guys' selections;

It surely can't be

Any ability

That they showed in last year's big elections.

19 Nov 2001

Red Cross has a history of diverting donations to its own overhead, etc.

When we see on TV devastation,

The Red Cross solicits donations --

But out of our cash

A large chunk is slashed

Never reaching the pain and starvation.

19 Nov 2001

Two English guys planning to take balloon into space

Two wealthy publicity hounds

Are pretending to test human bounds;

They'll take a balloon

Halfway to the moon

In the hope they'll be world-renowned.

19 Nov 2001

Leonid meteor showers the best in decades

In the darkest part of the wee hours

Away from the town's candlepower

If you got out of bed

You'd have seen, overhead

The Leonid meteor showers.

20 Nov 2001

Newsweek: Florida's Judge Lewis would have counted all the votes

All the ballots, by citizens U.S.

Would have counted, to Judge Terry Lewis--

Tens of millions of voters

Now know that the SCOTUS*

Accomplished its purpose to screw us.

* "Supreme Court Of The United States" (common chat-line acronym)

20 Nov 2001

Larry Flynt sues Defense Department over access to front lines

Bravo to the wild man, Flynt

Defending the First Amendment

From the generals who

Want to manage the news

And from papers too chicken to print.

20 Nov 2001

Al-Qaida nuke plans may have been from Journal of Irreproducible Results

Before anybody forgets,

The last laugher's the one who laughs best,

These nuke plans were trashed

When the al-Qaida dashed --

Are the real plans in their new nest?

20 Nov 2001

WTC "Tourist Guy" identified as Hungarian named Peter

You've seen him all over the Web

He's become the next instant celeb;

On the Deck at the Tower

At the minute and hour

Of the hijackers' last, fateful step.

As soon as you'd done double-take

You knew 'twas a Photoshop fake;

And faster and faster

At the scenes of disasters

He'd cameo appearance make.

You may think this shocking bad taste,

By folks with too much time to waste;

But the "Tourist Guy"

Shows believing your eyes

Is becoming reliance misplaced.

21 Nov 2001

Capitol runs out of flags

If you want a new flag for your home

Don't get plastic from China or Rome;

For ten or twelve bills

Your Senator will

Send you one from the Capitol Dome.

But although there has been such demand

That they have no more banners on hand

You'll get your Old Glory

Without fret or worry

For V-Day in Afghanistan.

21 Nov 2001

British soccer players set to strike

The Professional Footballers' Assoc.

Wants action, and not only talk

They can't use their hands

To enforce their demands

And so they will probably walk.

21 Nov 2001

Anthrax Guy appears to be targeting liberal Senators

The Anthrax Guy seems to be fettered

In the way he addresses his letters;

He's focused his sights

On betes-noires of the Right

As recipients of this vendetta.

This points to domestic militias

Who are known to be sullen and vicious

And far to the Right

Beyond reason or fright

In pursuit of agenda seditious.

What's odd is that no one will mention

The Anthrax Guy's seeming intention

To deliver the Senate

Back to Goppers who ran it

Before Jeffords' grand self-reinvention.

It's surely a coincidence

That Anthrax Guy shares the same ends

With Bushies and Freeps*

And other such creeps --

Such suspicions are utter non-sense.

*Freeps are habitués of a scurrilous Right-wing website called freerepublic.com.

22 Nov 2001

Portland, Oregon police chief won't help Ashcroft's racial profiling

Give thanks for the Oregon police chief

Who's keeping his city from mischief

No city defiling

By racial profiling

Under guise of "security" fig leaf.

23 Nov 2001

Corporate Alternative Minimum Tax high on Bush's hit list

The Alternative Minimum Tax

Is where lobbyists focus attacks

Corporations all pine

For a simpler time

When deductions would count to the max.

In the good old days, sharp-pencil heroes

Could drive a tax bill down to zero;

It was up to the schmucks

Without courage or luck

To pay double on Form 10-4-0.

Those populists, Regan and Reagan

Kept the wave of resentment from breakin':

"If you're in the black

You gotta pay tax;

Here's the minimum that we are takin'."

But of course, that was then, this is now

The government just won't kowtow

To any mere voters

When General Motors

Threatens to party funds disendow.

And so, quite predictable-ly

In '04 we'll see on TV

Paeans to Bush

And other such fudge

Funded by the defunct AMT.

23 Nov 2001

FBI's anti-encryption software records keystrokes, steals passwords

The government's well-known conniptions

About dangers of e-mail encryption

Were quite premature;

Now the Feds can procure

A stroke-by-stroke keyboard transcription.

23 Nov 2001

RFK's daughter slams Bush; O'Neill bruised up after touch football

The Bushies apparently seek

A touch of the Kennedy mystique;

But O'Neill's ribs

And Kerry's ad-libs

Show that it's an analogy weak.

25 Nov 2001

Ashcroft to appear before Senate Judiciary Committee

John Ashcroft, quite grand and quite gracious

After Leahy's persistence tenacious

Will deign to appear,

But hold back the cheer--

He'll do nothing but be more evasious.

26 Nov 2001

Spain will not give up al-Qaida suspects to Bush military tribunals

In the land of bullfights and flamenco

And political forebears like Franco

They will not support

A kangaroo court

For which lovers of justice say, "Thank 'oo."

26 Nov 2001

Scott McGinnis (R-Colo) demanding that Green groups denounce "eco-terrorism"

"Dear Scott: We'll denounce eco-terror

As soon as we hear you're the darer

To likewise indict

The militia-man Right

Who are probably anthrax preparers."

26 Nov 2001

NBER panel declares recession started in March

It's official: we're in a recession

Together with war and repression;

Throw in some anthrax

Or airborne attacks --

If you ask me, it's a depression.

27 Nov 2001

National expert on good & evil, GWB, against human cloning

George Bush says that he ain't condoning

Any outfit that does human cloning;

He knows Goddamn well

That making stem cells

Deserves an Old Testament stoning.

27 Nov 2001

Bush's arms inspection demand on Iraq: pretext for attack?

The diplomacy's carefully planned;

First you issue a preemptory demand

Non-ne-go-tia-ble

But un-ac-cept-a-ble

While the bombers await your command.

You can say their “No” gives you permission

To order the first bombing missions

Our weapons unharnessed,

Delivering carnage

As we bomb them back into perdition.

Then you go onto network TV

And say to folks, innocently:

"We didn't want much,

To just keep in touch

And intrude on their sovereignty."

And, at home, once our troops are engaged

Other news will be swept off the page --

Then, without a dissenter

Enact your agenda

With deception and stealth, just offstage.

I don't say that our wrath's not deserved,

Or question our combat troops' nerve,

But the legacy

Of democracy

By such cynicism is poorly served.

28 Nov 2001

Rolling Stone documents press distortion of Gore campaign

"I remember the campaign quite fondly,"

Says the Washington Post's Ceci Connolly;

"Gore's hyperbole

Made life easy for me;

I was early to bed and slept soundly."

"If I parroted GOP spin,

Well, that's just the business we're in;

And besides, anyhow

That was then, this is now

Stop fretting 'bout what might have been."

28 Nov 2001

Northern Alliance advances mean Russia will control *stani oil, gas

Our good buddy, Vladimir Putin

With the cunning and guile of Rasputin

Has stuck with epoxy

His puppet, or proxy

In control of the turf we're disputin'.

To see why the Northern Alliance

Refused to be still, in compliance

With Bush's position,

(Rule by coalition)

Obviously ain't rocket science.

When the Russians control Khyber Pass,

All the *stans must pipe oil and gas

Up through Mother Russia

On whom they will usher

Strategic advantage at last.

Our oilmen, Cheney and Bush

Really should have foreseen this ambush;

Which leads to concludin'

When visiting Putin

Bush really took one in the tush.

29 Nov 2001

NYT: Lawmakers "bickering" over stimulus package (I)

The Times says that mostly they "bicker"

Whether tax cuts or spending is quicker;

The GOP wants to ax

Lots of corporate tax;

The Dems want to spread cash out thicker.

With the Times, I must disagree;

This is how one does democracy--

It's not a mere "bicker"

It's a deep-rooted dicker

Over con-flicting phil-o-so-phies.

My paranoid fantasies flicker

To the use of the freighted term, "bicker,"

Whose interests are served

By the use of that word?

The plotting gets thicker and thicker.

29 Nov 2001

NYT: Lawmakers "bickering" over stimulus package (II)

Legislation providing a stimulus

Needs careful thought on its particulars;

The Senate and House

Pick it up, and then drowse

Or debate, inattentive or bibulous.

30 Nov 2001

R.I.P. George Harrison, 1943-2001

1 Dec 2001

Bushies boot Gilmore from RNC post

When the Dems took Virginia and Jersey

For the Gops, there was great controversy;

"The liberal tide

Must be spun and denied" --

So a scapegoat was axed without mercy.

1 Dec 2001

Japan: It's a(nother) girl!

The Imperial Family of Nippon
Has a policy problem to sip on;
Since 1965
No boys have arrived;
But the 'Mum Throne,* a girl cannot sit on.

You may think this some ancient tradition
But in fact it's a post-war addition;
Prob'ly just another
Of Douglas MacArthur's
Ideas so high and patrician.

*Chrysanthemum Throne (official designation)