JUNE 2001

Copyright © 2001 by drlimerick.com. All rights reserved.

 
1 June 2001
Daschle to spend weekend chez McCain in Arizona

McCain can be Prez in '04,
If he steps through the Dems' open door;
Bush's cash and position
Give him renomination --
But Dems want Anybody But Gore.

1 June 2001
Swedish scientist develops eco-friendly burial method

Soak in cold nitrogen marinade,
Wrap in shroud that will biodegrade:
Bury with this technique,
Get soil within weeks,
Bag and market with name "Soylent Jade."

2 June 2001
Lott defiant

Trent Lott, the Republican bruiser
In retreat wants to change all the rules, or
He'll scream and he'll taunt
'Til he gets what he wants --
So now who looks like a sore loser?

2 June 2001
Idaho standoff ends peacefully

It's hard to look there and not see
That those kids are naught if not gutsy;
But North Idaho's fame
Should be Lake Coeur d'Alene--
Not as welcoming haven for Nazis.

3 June 2001
White House issues lame "list" of Clintonites' alleged vandalism

So far, Team Bush puts all reliance
On the list of destruction and violence
Drawn up by Bush staffers
From memory, after
Eighteen and a half weeks of silence.

3 June 2001
Guinness severance package includes 2 pints per day for 10 years

U.S. workers sometimes are "downsized"
Meaning "sacked" euphemistically disguised;
U.K. employees
Suffer "redundancies;"
Irish workers, it seems, are just "pint-sized."

4 June 2001
Senate Dems, GOP at impasse over power transfer

As the Dems prepare to take the handoff
There may be a Mexican standoff;
If Dems won't guarantee
Votes for Bush nominees,
Lott says he'll keep Senate work handcuffed.

5 June 2001
Film critic "David Manning" exposed as creation of Columbia Pictures

Columbia loved David Manning,
Of its films he would rave, never panning;
That he doesn't exist
Gives his words a new twist:
"'No one' found this film fun and enchanting!!!!!"

5 June 2001
Bush faltering in new polls

Bush's swoon in the public opinion,
May be due to his bully-boy minions;
Or, as one paper says,
It's sunk in that he's Prez;
That explains it, says the weekly, "The Onion."

6 June 2001
Bush asks agency to protect U.S. steel industry

On the stump, Bush said we'd have it made
If all nations would practice free trade;
But the folks at Big Steel
Curbed his free-market zeal,
By reminding of chits to be paid.

6 June 2001
Audit reveals Pentagon audit agency faked its own papers

Sen'tor Grassley deserves many plaudits
For probing the Pentagon audits
But I think he's mistaken,
That faith has been shaken:
No one had faith or had ever thought it.

7 June 2001
O'Neill may have made $62M by being slow to sell Alcoa stock

O'Neill, when named to head Treasury:
"Clean government for a clean century!
To assure I'll be fair,
I'll sell all of my shares;"
Without saying he'd do it so leisurely.

8 June 2001
Senate GOP, Daschle close to agreement on new rules

By the tentative deal with Daschle
Nominees won't be unduly hassled;
Daschle (unlike Hatch)
Will be fair, but the catch:
Leahy's the king of that castle.

8 June 2001
Bush, Rumsfeld may rush to deploy missile shield by 2004

They'll be rushing to have three or four
Anti-Missiles by 2004;
Their haste means we know
Their principal foe
Is Daschle or Gephardt or Gore.

9 June 2001
Justice Department opposes videotape of McVeigh's execution

Executions, once on public view
Now are witnessed by only a few;
So we all can pretend
This barbaric torment
Really isn't unusual or cruel.

10 June 2001
Bush administration delaying release of Reagan administration papers

The release of the Reagan-years papers
Gives several Bushies the vapors;
Bush II's mostly run
By alums of Bush I
Hoping not to confess youthful capers.

11 June 2001
Bush backpedals on global warming, heads for Europe

The Bush regime's policy's forming
To slow or to halt global warming;
It's paralysis
By analysis
So we can keep SUVs swarming.

11 June 2001
Court: Cops cannot use heat-sensors without warrant

To Justice Antonin Scalia
If the cops need high-tech stuff to see ya
'Though they find it abhorrent
They must have a warrant
Or the judge has no choice but to free ya.

12 June 2001
Senate rejects voucher pilot program

School vouchers are rightly deplored
As "work-around" for Brown versus Board;
Voter referenda
Reject this agenda
And so far, the Senate's on board.

13 June 2001
Bush pitches missile shield to NATO leaders

Said Bush, "The time's now, or it's never,
To abandon the Cold War forever;
But, of course, just in case
We will watch outer space
And add missile shields to our quiver."

13 June 2001
Congressional run? Max Kennedy, "no;" Ollie North, "maybe"

Max Kennedy dropped from the race,
Saying, "Family remains in first place;"
As Virginia districts
Redrawn by statistics
Give Oliver North a firm base.

14 June 2001
Rove met Intel execs over merger approval while holding Intel stock

Dems say that Rove's interests conflicted
Such a view is unduly constricted;
This administration's
Always for corporations,
So Rove's ethics are uncontradicted.

14 June 2001
CNN: Vieques bombing to stop in 2003; admirals, Congressional GOP angry

The Bushies had few or no qualms
Announcing the Navy won't bomb
After 2003;
Observers agree
This connects Navy's eye, Bush's thumb.

14 June 2001
Senate approves contradictory measures regarding gays and Scouting

If you're still not too sure that the Boy Scouts
Should welcome the gays to their campouts
And you're feeling outpaced,
Then you won't be amazed
To learn that the Senate shares your doubts.

15 June 2001
EU may nix GE-Honeywell merger

Said the anti-trust staff of the EU,
"No deal until you let us see you
Neatly or sloppily
Split your Monopoly --
We mean it, as we'll guarantee you."

Replied Welch, CEO of GE,
"This is really a win-win for me,
If th'economy's soft
And you say, 'Deal's off!'
It means 'GET OUT OF [this] DEAL (FREE).'"

15 June 2001
Elizabeth Dole for Senate in North Carolina?

She'll return to the state of her youth
To govern with justice and truth;
Her Dirty Old Man
Would need a new plan
To with Britney keep contact uncouth.

16 June 2001
"Tomb Raider" disappoints

Most critics are saying "Tomb Raider"
Doesn't even successfully cater
To horny young boys
Despite Lara's toys
And the mega-babe bod' that they gave her.

17 June 2001
Bush, European leaders get acquainted, make little headway

The nice opportunities photo
Were the fruit of the summit, in toto;
Discussion of missiles
Was quite superficial;
No progress at all on Kyoto.

17 June 2001
German patent attorney Guenter Waechtershaeuser challenging "primordial soup" theory of life's origins

Normal science will never give twop-
ence for theories not formed by the group;
They denigrate Guenter
For daring to ponder
Soup of the morning, primordial soup!

18 June 2001
European leaders pleasantly surprised by Bush

As Bush toured the Yoorupeen nations
He noticed, with mounting elation
The statesmen conceded
He'd met and exceeded
The soft standards of low expectations.

18 June 2001
NYT: On global warming, ABM issues, Bushies ignoring scientists on both ends of the spectrum

The Bushies are sure they don't want
Any facts their boondoggles to haunt;
As the tribunal said
Of Lavoisier's head:
"Nous n'avons plus besoin des savants."

19 June 2001
Cheney stiff-arming GAO request for names of energy-plan consultants

"When drafting the Cheney-Bush gas plan,
We consulted yes-women and yes-men;
If we'd had consultation
About conservation
You'd have met the wuss when this all began."

19 June 2001
Putin: We'll deploy more warheads if U.S. installs missile shield

Said Vladimir, Georgie's new soulmate,
No matter how costly in gold plate,
An arms race he'd usher
To defend Mother Russia
And not cave to the ABM checkmate.

19 June 2001
Senate's first big battle brewing over "patients' rights"

The G.O.P., everyone knows
Is in thrall to the big H.M.O.s
When they say "patients' rights"
They mean "patients' rights lite"
As lawsuits they try to foreclose.

19 June 2001
Ripken retiring at end of season

Playing 2600 straight games,
Was his mainspring of public acclaim;
This eclipses his stats;
But his glove and his bat
Would, alone, take him to Hall of Fame.

20 June 2001
Bush writes to British school kids, calls them "young Americans"

This latest gaffe's truly outrageous:
Secretarial work is disgracious;
We know Bush is daft
But now, so is his staff;
Maybe "foot-in-mouth" bug is contagious.

21 June 2001
Total eclipse of the sun visible today in Zambia (As GWB might say, the city of Zambia)

They're coming in cars, planes and ships
To see the big solar eclipse
It's also the solstice --
From which some might take solace
But it could mean the apocalypse.

22 June 2001
Toronto may lose 2008 Olympics after mayor's remarks about cannibals

Mayor Lastman for sure didn't want to
Be boiled by Kenyans or Bantus;
But if he's deep-sixed
His town's Olympics
He'll be cooked by Canucks in Toronto.

[23-29 June 2001 : VACATION]

30 June 2001
Cheney gets pacemaker

Dick Cheney could not disregard
The irregular beat of his heart;
If his heart is now working
His friends he'll be irking
'Cause from G.O.P. he must depart.