DECEMBER 2001
Copyright (c) 2001 by drlimerick.com. All rights reserved.
1 Dec 2001
Bushies boot Gilmore from
RNC post
When the Dems took Virginia
and Jersey
For the Gops, there was
great controversy;
"The liberal tide
Must be spun and
denied" --
So a scapegoat was axed
without mercy.
1 Dec 2001
Japan: It's a(nother) girl!
The Imperial Family of Nippon
Has a policy problem to sip on;
Since 1965
No boys have arrived;
But the 'Mum Throne,* a girl cannot sit on.
You may think this some ancient tradition
But in fact it's a post-war addition;
Prob'ly just another
Of Douglas MacArthur's
Ideas so high and patrician.
*Chrysanthemum Throne (official designation)
3 Dec 2001
Enron, heavy GOP donor,
declares bankruptcy
Kenneth Lay, who's the QB of
Enron
Knew just what to spend
extra cash on;
To the GOP
He gave lavishly
As Andersen fell for his end
run.
Unaware the firm's on its
last legs
The employees put in their
nest eggs;
But Kenneth was selling,
And surely not telling
Their savings would soon be
goose eggs.
3 Dec 2001
Terrorist's anthrax similar
to that produced by U.S. military
It now seems the
Bushmeisters' antics
Over whether the Capitol
anthrax
Had been
"weaponized"
Was by and large lies;
It was primo stuff by our
own lab techs.
3 Dec 2001
Kamen's "Ginger"
revealed to be a high-tech scooter
Ginger's a sort of a scooter
With motors, and onboard
computer
And gyroscope balance
For riding sans talent,
Sans fitness, sans practice,
sans tutor.
Is this revolution sublime?
It may save a few steps, and
time
It looks like great fun
But when all’s said and done
Just a vacuum for rich
peoples’ dimes.
4 Dec 2001
Anonymous GOP Senator
blocking homeless vets bill
Wellstone thought that he’d
covered his bets
On his bill to assist
homeless vets;
The one blocking Gop
Would agree to a swap;
Paul’s “OK" meant the
deal was set.
Both bills were then passed
by the Senate;
You'd have thought that the
story was ended
But the Gopper's bill sailed
While Paul's was derailed
When the Gop reneged at the
last minute.
Our Senators do play for
keeps,
And Wellstone's no Little Bo
Peep,
But the GOP jeered,
"If not to be sheared,
Whyever did God make them
sheep?"*
Now, Wellstone's been heard
to declaim
"I, too, am adept at
this game:
Be on notice I'll kill
All Republican bills
'Til I've got satisfaction
from same."
* consciously cribbed from
"The Magnificent Seven"
5 Dec 2001
Anthrax hoax suspect
caught: real anthrax killer still at
large
The legatees of Margaret
Saanger
Were glad to hear Clayton
Lee Waagner
Is now back in jail
'Though they know that their
mail
Won't stop bringing fear,
threats and aanger.
5 Dec 2001
Marc Racicot, ex-gov of
Montana, to take RNC post
There was a tough guy from
Montana
Who agreed to play second
banana
To the pasty-faced Rove
And the webs that he wove --
To be veep, and then Lord of
the Manor.
Racicot’s got two hats, plus
his Stetson;
His lobbying firm’s how he
gets on
While working for “free”
At the RNC
But his “access” is worth
placing bets on.
5 Dec 2001
David Greenglass admits
perjury that may have sent sister to chair
In late '51, David
Greenglass
Betrayed sister, her
husband, and class,
The Rosenberg pair
Was fried in "the
chair"
But he's losing no sleep for
the past.
6 Dec 2001
Ashcroft finally appears
before Senate hearing
"Tell the neg'tivists
like William Safire
It's dangerous to rights to
aspire;
al Qaida's abusing
The rights that you're
losing
We've got to fight fire with
fire.
"Besides, why will you
not trust us?
We don't mean to do any
injustice!
No one will be shot
If guilty he's not --
And who'll say who's
guilty? Just us."
6 Dec 2001
Ashcroft denies FBI access
to gun-check records
Whenever you go buy a gun
A background check's part of
the fun;
But the Fibbies can't know
This private info
No matter what they think
you've done.
John A. can
"detain" you forever,
Or eavesdrop on you and
whomever;
You'll be secretly tried
And might secretly die
But your right to bear arms
they can't sever.
6 Dec 2001
DNA evidence says DeSalvo
may not be the Boston Strangler
Applying new DNA tests
Calls to question some
famous arrests;
Forensic revision
Of jury decisions
Means defendants cannot ever
rest.
7 Dec 2001
WSJ: Tobacco companies may have destroyed
1,000,000 documents
When defending high-stakes
litigation
You're facing a juicy temptation
To turn all the papers
To ashes and vapors;
To lawyers, it's called
"spoliation."
Don't do it! The court will assume
You're claiming that you
"can't" exhume
The papers requested
Because you have guessed
that
Their content your case
would entomb.
The trial continues as if
The papers support the
plaintiff;
Your chances just fell
To a snowball's in hell --
It's much wiser it out to
stiff.
8 Dec 2001
DoJ angry at criticism of
Ashcroft testimony
If exerting free thinking and reason
Leads to damning Bush's lies and his legions
They'll bring out a flack
To counterattack
And promptly accuse you of treason.
10 Dec 2001
Computer rankings send
Nebraska to Rose Bowl
The 'Huskers will go to the
Rose Bowl
After vote that we're told
was a close call
The first non-conference
champs
To the B.C.S. dance;
The computers outvoted the
coach poll.
10 Dec 2001
Videotape of bin Laden
found; Bushies mulling public release
Dick Cheney announced he has
gotten
A tape of Osama bin Laden
Recounting with glee
9-1-1, and how he
Had lowballed the death and
destruction.
11 Dec 2001
Rumor: Armey to retire
There once was a Congressman
Armey
Sanctimonious, braying and
smarmy;
The Enron-fall scandal
Was too hot to handle
So he quit and went home to
his mommy.
11 Dec 2001
GOP trying to demonize
Daschle
The Republicans' slanders of
Daschle
Are much, much too glib and
too facile;
He's "obstructing"
their bills
To pad corporate tills
With the Federal cash
they'll embezzle.
12 Dec 2001
Today marks first
anniversary of Bush v. Gore
The birthday's today -- it's
the first
For the day the Supreme
Court reversed
The Florida Court
In Bush vs. Gore
Of Rehnquist's bad moments,
the worst.
12 Dec 2001
Bush to trash ABM treaty
If not for that ABM treaty
George's friends could
already be feeding
At the Federal trough
'Though there'll be time
enough
Now we've slapped Russia's
face 'til it's bleedy.
12 Dec 2001
Daschle, Bush closer to
economic stimulus accord
Don't ever play poker with
Daschle
Without lots of cash in your
satchel;
He's outbluffing Bush
With a busted flush
And the will to be leader,
not vassal.
13 Dec 2001
Bush asserting executive
privilege over various documents
Bush asserted executive
privilege
But he may have burned too
many bridges;
Bob Barr and Dan Burton
May well soon make certain
That he shrinks down to fit
in his britches.
13 Dec 2001
NYC Congressmen opposed to
televising bin Laden video
To Congressmen Crowley and
King
Victims' kin shouldn't
suffer the sting
Of bin Laden's glee
Broadcast on TV
And Bush shouldn't do any
such thing.
But I think the tape of
Osama
A priceless piece of
propaganda
And if he is gloating
We'll find it revolting
From New York to Kenyan
savannah.
Hitler went into a dance
When he heard of the Fall of
France;
Shoulders bent to the wheels
When eyes saw the newsreels
--
So, too, will our cause be
advanced.
14 Dec 2001
Why did the Bushies hold the
bin Laden video for four days?
The liberal chat rooms agree
That Bush held the tape so
that he
Could upstage the news
Of his "privilege"
abuse
And the wreck of the ABM
treaty.
To these goals I must add
just one more;
To pull our eyes back to the
war
If the newsies and press
Had opted to stress
The birthday of Bush vs.
Gore.
14 Dec 2001
Space station must maneuver
to dodge derelict rocket parts
Space may be the final
frontier
But it's taken us just 40
years
To leave so much trash
That there's risk of a crash
And minimal places to veer.
14 Dec 2001
O'Leary nixed at Notre Dame
when caught padding his resume
If false credentials are
part of your game
Do not seek work with Notre
Dame
They're sniffy and snooty
About their sacred duty
To hold the coach solely to
blame.
14 Dec 2001
Max Baucus, Bill Thomas to
meet Saturday to salvage stimulus bill
As they breakfast on fine
crepes suzette,
Bill demanding more than he
can get;
He's bound to get raucous
And rant at Max Baucus
And ruin their nice
tete-a-tete.
15 Dec 2001
Powell: Tora Bora fall means Afghanistan no longer a
haven for terrorists
According to General Powell
Since al Qaida has thrown in
the towel
No terrorists can
Be in Afghanistan;
Be watching for his
disavowal.
15 Dec 2001
Another al Qaida notebook
shows plans for attack on London
Whenever the al Qaida flee
The last member out's sure
to be
Assigned to make sure
That the decoys and lures
Are left for the U.S. to
see.
16 Dec 2001
Congressional support
growing for national ID card
They say that a new I.D.
card
Would effectively make it
too hard
For bad guys to gain
False I.D.'s and false
names;
But I think they're going
too far.
To function, you already
need
To display two good forms of
I.D.;
A license to drive
From the state where you
live
And a Visa, AmEx, or M.C.
So what use is a nati'nal
I.D.?
The best reason that I can
see
Is to pull all your days
Into one database
To keep tabs on you con-ven-i-ent-ly.
This reveals, with colorful
prism
The truth behind
"Federalism;"
The Feds may enjoy
Governing hoi polloi--
But can't restrict
cap-it-al-ism.
16 Dec 2001
Jenna, Barbara Bush to front
National Fake I.D. Card campaign
Since 9-1-1 Jenna and Barb
Are spending their days
working hard
With Daddy’s permission
To start a commission
For National Fake I.D.
Cards.
All babies in the U.S.A.
Would be issued a card
saying they
Had reached twenty-one
On the day they were born
So bars must admit them today.
17 Dec 2001
Stimulus: Bush trying to declare victory and go home;
Daschle demurs
With renegades Breaux,
Miller, Nelson
King George tried again to
put bells on
The neck of Tom Daschle
Who knows how to rassle
And the properties to put
hotels on.
Coopting the unholy trio
Of Miller, and Nelson, and
Bre-aux
Won't be quite enough;
Bush will find it tough
To back up his
brag-ga-do-ci-o.
Although Messrs. Breaux,
Nelson, Miller
Have been bought, as if
three contract killers,
By Daschle's authority
A supermajority
Of Dems must be bought or
bewildered.
Expect to be hearing the
L-word
Aimed at Dems not saluting
with "Yes, Sir!"
But the goal of Bush's
yelping
Is of tax cuts, more
helpings
For his friends who want
seconds, and thirds.
17 Dec 2001
Katie Couric signs $60+
million contract with NBC
In the course of the
ne-go-ti-a-tions
Did Kate put her cutsie-pie
face on?
Was she quick and abrupt
To, at whim, interrupt
Like she seems to whenever
"Today's" on?
17 Dec 2001
SEC now requires disclosure
of employee stock options
If they pay you with options
on stock
The company's going in hock
To you and your peers;
Inspiring fears
That investors are sh** out
of luck.
Their equity was an
illusion;
Always at risk for dilution
If some lovely day
You'd all "call"
and say,
"It's time for the
'strike' execution."
But now, thanks to the
S.E.C.
The wage bill is all there
to see;
This won't prevent trouble
Or a market bubble
But we always like
transparency.
20 Dec 2001
Frodo hits the screen
Now lighting up movie
marquees
Is the first of the Ring
trilogy;
And film's in the can
To fulfill the big plan
To repeat in '02 and '03.
20 Dec 2001
Microsoft already patching
security holes in Windows XP
In Microsoft Windows XP
There's a flaw in the
security;
They made it so stable
That hackers are able
To go in the front door with
no key.
21 Dec 2001
Pentagon: Many "inaudibles" on bin Laden
video were hijackers' names
The video's been on TV
For all of the world to see;
But all of a sudden
They say that bin Laden
Named hijackers, inaudibly.
21 Dec 2001
NYT: Bushies tried, failed to link anthrax to Iraq
The scientists, ordered to
track
The anthrax spores back to
Iraq
Bent backwards and strained
Again and again
But the U.S. source kept
coming back.
22 Dec 2001
NYT: Transatlantic flight diverted today due to
bomb attempt
A terrorist tried something
new --
An explosive device in his
shoe.
This modified brogan
Caused diversion to Logan
When they caught him with
match to the fuse.
Right now, peoples' nerves
are quite taut
And I'd bet his subduction
was not
At all kind and gentle,
But unsentimental
As out of him folks beat the
snot.
I imagine they all stood in
line
For their turn to
"subdue" this Einstein;
Some cheerful chat while
They stood in the aisle
And pummeled him, one at a
time.
26 Dec 2001
Bush not thinking
politics: aides do it for him
"Concern with political
polls
Does not match up well with
my goals
Of winning the war
And stiffing the poor
And riddling the budget with
holes.
"As Prez I'm above
politics;
I leave it all to my
sidekicks,
Rove, Fleischer, Hughes,
Who manage the news
And know how to put in the
fix."
27 Dec 2001
U.S. to hold Taliban,
al-Qaida POWs in Guantanamo
Guantanamo's evilly brainy
As a place to imprison
"detainees."
No meddlesome lawyers
Or media voyeurs
To ask about
"rights" miscellany.
27 Dec 2001
Virginia legislator proposes
registry of death penalty opponents
Says Senator Barry
(R-Fairfax)
"Those dying from
murderous attacks
And to death are opposed
May, if so disposed.
Pre-death cut their killer some
slack.
"If you do, though,
please note that the state
Will claim your entire
estate;
So if this appeals
To your fine ideals
Your heirs will get an empty
plate.
"The idea, of course,
is quite clear;
You choose between cash for
your dears
And a murderer's life--
A decision that's rife
With potential to put you in
tears.
"And I can count those
who enroll
And pretend that the rest
share my goal
Of quick preparation
For the separation
Of murderers' body from
soul."
28 Dec 2001
Study: Jogging makes you smarter
If you're finding it harder
and harder
To remember the way to the
larder
Get a memory boost;
Buy new running shoes
And jog yourself fitter and
smarter.
28 Dec 2001
Shoe bomb could have blown a
hole in the aircraft
The FBI expert concludes
That the plastique found
packed in Reid's shoes
Could have blown a big hole
Causing loss of control
And a mid-ocean crash with
no clues.
I'd like it if someone
explained
Why Reid sat near the back
of the plane
Is this where the tail
Was at max risk to fail
By a hole adding torque,
stress and strain?
Remember Flight 587?
On Long Island it crashed,
burned and deafened--
Did the tail come loose
Because of the shoes
Of some zealot with ticket
to heaven?
28 Dec 2001
Texas A&M(8-4) beats
TCU(6-6) in the Galleryfurniture.com Bowl
If
Gal-le-ry-furn-i-ture-.-com
In a try to rise up to the
humdrum
Paid cash to be named
On this football game
They should take the rights
back to where bought from.
29 Dec 2001
Buffalo buried under 7 feet
of snow
The citizens of Buffalo
Would like all the world to
know
That despite seven feet
Of snow on their streets:
"Bring on whate'er
Nature can throw."
31 Dec 2001
Illinois Court agrees guns
may be common-law public nuisance
In hindsight, it shines with
translucence;
The Illinois ruling that
loosens
The shackles preventing
Victims non-consenting
From suits to stop this
public nuisance.
31 Dec 2001
Bushies to give federal-law
violators federal contracts
Polluters and tax cheats
will find
That rather than jail or
fines,
When entering bids
For work for the Feds
They'll see that they're set
first in line!