DECEMBER 2000

Copyright © 2000, 2001 by Dr. E.L. Limerick. All rights reserved.

1-Dec-00	Florida Supreme Court denies Gore's request for immediate recount	Cheney takes the reins of the Bush transition team
	Gore pled for additional speed,	Meanwhile back at the ranch,
	But the Florida Court disagreed;	W's been in a trance
	It's no Democrat puppet,	He saw Colin Powell
	Now conservative pundits	But mostly he's AWOL
	Need a new baseless base for their screed.	As Dick's the executive branch.
	Recount battle chaotic	Tanker spills a half-million gallons of oil into Mississippi River
	The court fights are wreathed in confusion	Perhaps it is just a coincidence
	And the chat rooms all talk of collusion	But this latest oil spill incident
	The recountable votes	May be saying, "Good riddance
	Being trucked down the road	To 'Earth in the Balance,'"
	But in the end, I think Al is still losin'.	And hello to the oil-biz President.
2-Dec-00	Easy elections: Chretien in Canada, Fox in Mexico	101st Army-Navy game: 0-10 Midshipmen v. 1-9 Cadets. Today!!
	While we grapple with recounts and chads	The Army-Navy game's set for today
	Our friends north and south have just had	The one-o'-worst game they have played
	Smooth-running elections	Who'll win?  Not a clue,
	With little objection	They cannot both lose
	And mandates that seem ironclad.	Although that's a good bet to have made.
3-Dec-00	Experts: Weak economy will lead to rate cuts
	The economy's hitting the brakes
	Giving brokers and traders the shakes
	Now experts opine
	Interest rates will decline
	But that may not be all that it takes.
4-Dec-00	London shops ask for pedestrian fast lane	EU takes drastic steps to protect against "mad cow" disease
	This Christmas, be quick on your feet	The EU health head, David Byrne
	As you window-shop in Oxford Street	Took costly steps, once he had learned
	They hope to assuage	That pinching his pence
	Pedestrian rage	Had stopped making sense
	By reserving a lane for the fleet.	And he hopes faith in beef will return.
	U.S. Supremes use unsigned opinion to remand Bush case to Florida
	The Court, in opinion "per curiam,"
	Said parts of the case did still worry 'em
	As expert hairsplitters
	They said, "Reconsider,"
	And said nothing at all about hurryin'.
5-Dec-00	NASDAQ up 10.5%, Dow up 338 on impending recession news	Gore still thinks he has 50-50 chance
	The impending election truce'll	Al put all his chips on the courts,
	Return us to business as usual	And took a bite right in the shorts
	Approaching disaster	But nevertheless
	Means interest falls faster	He expects success
	Which for healthy stock market is crucial.	In '02 when the recount reports.
6-Dec-00	Chuck Berry's sideman Johnnie Johnson sues for writing credit	Florida legislature calls special session to name electors
	Sure, the front man did write the lyrics,	Tom Feeney indulged his obsession
	But the sideman who wrote the guitar licks	To convene his own special session
	That made the songs hits,	The chance of king-making
	Got no cash, or credits --	Makes the risk worth the taking;
	It's gotta be rock 'n' roll music.	He must hurry, to beat Gore's concession.
7-Dec-00	California may have to go to rolling brownouts to cope with power shortage
	California outpaces the nation
	In adopting cool new innovations
	But now rolling brownouts
	Are raising a few doubts
	Bout utility deregulation.
8-Dec-00	Gore stays alive -- recount battle to continue
	Another tumultuous day	But in suits to discard absentees
	In Florida, U.S. of A.	Because Goppers filled in the IDs
	The Supremes, 3 to 4	Judges Lewis and Clark
	Said to recount for Gore --	Dismissed, and remarked
	And to hustle, starting yesterday.	"We read voters' intention with ease."
		I pause for a sec to remark
		On coincidence Wiccan and dark
		The new legal trail
		By which Bush can prevail
		Was marked out by Lewis and Clark.
9-Dec-00	U.S. Supremes halt recount, set Monday hearing
	Supreme Court opinions are logical,
	And cast in a style pedagogical,
	But after today
	It seems safe to say
	That their reasoning is ideological.
10-Dec-00	Stock market surge expected after Court settles recounts	Expert warns of "digital Pearl Harbor"
	The stock market experts are saying	A year ago, byte-heads cried "wolf,"
	That thanks to Supreme Court's nay-saying	Billions wasted on the Y2K goof
	Of recounts for Gore --	So now we're all wary
	The market will soar	And don't find them scary
	It had better, for the price we are paying.	Without a whole boatload of proof.
11-Dec-00	Winter's first major snow storm hits Midwest	First Intel, now AMD announce disappointing earnings
	As long as there's no place to go	For years, Intel had its way
	Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow	Until AMD gained its entree
	But when you travel by air	And if their competition
	And get stuck at O'Hare	Hurts profit predictions --
	It's a pleasure you'd gladly forgo.	Let the chipmakers fall where they may.
	Florida House names slate of Bush electors
	Florida's raising the spectre
	Of sending two slates of electors
	Mooting the courts
	Should they rule for Gore
	So Congress can be the selector.
12-Dec-00	U.S. Supreme Court decides Bush will be Prez, 5-4
	At last, the election is done,
	Gore has no bullets left in his gun
	After millions of votes
	The ultimate tote:
	It's Bush, by a majority of one.
13-Dec-00	Gore concedes	Microsoft, temps settle for $97 million
	The whole nation watched as Al Gore	Microsoft called them all "temps"
	Sought political peace to restore --	In a crude and transparent attempt
	While Gephardt, and Durbin,	To reap their production
	And Hillary Clinton	But deny them stock options
	Were making their plans for '04.	And from benefits keep them exempt.
14-Dec-00	EEOC rules employee health plans must fund contraceptives
	The E.E.O.C. was perceptive,
	And said health plans must fund contraceptives,
	Lest the insurance favor
	Women in labor
	Against the law equal-protective.
15-Dec-00	Bush to name Colin Powell as Secretary of State	Justices Scalia and Kennedy join Cheney at party chez Laxalt
	You can already hear the Right howl	Over drinks of champagne and Bacardi
	At the selection of General Powell	Scalia and Kennedy, ex parte
	On drugs, and abortion,	Joined Cheney to relax at
	And affirmative action	The home of Paul Laxalt
	He leans Left and gives no disavowal.	It was quite a Republican party!
16-Dec-00	14,000 rural Mexicans ignoring Popocatepetl evacuation	Claudia Schiffer signature Palm Pilots now available
	The locals ignore the vibration	Get your signature Palm Pilot from
	And ash with a calm resignation;	claudiaschiffer.com
	Popocatepetl	But 'though strokes may differ
	Is testing their metl;	There are parts of Ms. Schiffer
	"Flight" gets zero consideration.	That distract me from seeing her Palm.
17-Dec-00	Harvard: Tax dollars flow from Gore states into Bush Belt	Isikoff: O'Connor heard to say, "[Gore win] is terrible!"
	From Montana to Georgia, via Texas	On Election Night, Justice O'Connor
	They constantly whine about taxes	Upon hearing the TV newsmongers
	But these chronic complainers	Call a Gore win (in error)
	Are the tax-dollar gainers	Exclaimed, "This is terr-
	Read and weep: them's what the facts is.	ible!" The decision was then thrust upon her.
18-Dec-00	ACLU to challenge Internet-filtering law tacked onto budget bill	UK: Brad "the Cad" shares girlfriend's e-mails, which then spread all over web
	According to Congress's budget	Brad the Cad loved his evening with Claire
	Schools wanting federal funds get	Now of losing his job he is scared
	The cash that they need	Her e-billets doux
	Only if they've agreed	He shared with a few
	To block web content 'til they've expunged it.	Who shared, and who shared, and who shared.
19-Dec-00	National Review: Bush could be the next James K. Polk	Clinton might host talk show; Gore nominated for Harvard presidency
	James K. Polk is most famous for	They both know it's never too soon
	His false campaign vow, "Fifty-four	To be floating a trial balloon
	Forty or Fight!"	Al could show Harvard
	And his work to incite	How real cash is gathered;
	The Mexican-American war.	And Bill'd share your pain at twelve noon.
20-Dec-00	Experts: Bush's assertion of energy crisis premature, at best	Newspapers, Judicial Watch begin Florida recounts; Mark Foley objects
	Prez-Select Bush was acting real nice	The New York Times and such socialist rags
	And warning of imminent cris-	And Judicial Watch, Right-wing-nut nag
	is; A fossil-fuel shortage	Are recounting ballots
	So he wants to mortgage	To get a true tally
	The tundra, and drill under the ice.	Which Congressman Foley wants gagged.
21-Dec-00	Bush denies "talking down" the economy for political purposes
	A "down" market's "up" for George Bush --
	His tax cut would be easy to push
	Alaskan oil wells
	Would be an easier sell,
	And in '04 he might draw a straight flush.
22-Dec-00	Madonna may have gotten married in secret ceremony in Scotland	Bush nominates John Ashcroft as Attorney General
	The commentariat all commentaried	Bush has great faith in Ashcroft as if
	On whether Madonna got married	He hadn't just lost to a stiff
	No one knows for sure	But lots of us think
	The site was secure --	Bush did the same thing
	Thus the secret non-story was carried.	But his brother could make up the diff.
23-Dec-00	Ted Turner pays $34 million of U.S.'s U.N. dues
	On principle, Jesse's inclined
	To let our U.N. dues fall behind
	But along comes Ted Turner
	To pay off the furriners --
	Helms's principles get no neve'mind.
24-Dec-00
25-Dec-00	Xmas day partial eclipse of the sun visible from most of U.S.
	The brilliantest star in the night sky
	Provided a guide for the magi
	Two millenia later
	A sign from Creator:
	What does "partial eclipse" really imply?
26-Dec-00	Retailers chalking up disappointing Christmas season	Tom Hanks, "Cast Away" draw raves, crowds
	Consumers are drastically easin'	Forget the Pagongs and the Tagis
	Spending, this holiday season	And their primitive back-stabbing strategies
	Experts are guessin'	Tom Hanks and a voluble
	A coming recession	Goin' soft volleyball
	Is some little part of the reason.	Make far more interesting castaways.
27-Dec-00	Clinton names black liberal Gregory to federal bench	Constipation not the health risk it's cracked up to be
	When Congress adjourned for recess	If you're still stuffed with chocolates and cheeses
	Bill Clinton, with speed and finesse	And waiting 'til discomfort eases
	Made his judge nominee	Well, worry no more;
	A fait accompli	'Though it's hard to ignore
	So Jesse Helms will perforce acquiesce.	Constipation does not cause diseases.
28-Dec-00	InaugurAction complains of D.C. police infiltration
	InaugurAction's planned demonstration	To Assistant Chief Terrance W. Gainer,
	At George Bush's inauguration	"Nefarious" ends couldn't be plainer --
	Is drawing the eyes	"Their attention and diligence
	Of undercover-cop spies;	To counterintelligence
	So it complained about this infiltration.	Proves the guilty mind of the complainers."
29-Dec-00	Hillary tops Oprah, Thatcher 5-1 in "Most Admired Woman" poll	Montgomery Wards, est. 1872, filing for bankruptcy
	If for you the elections don't suffice	E-commerce, to us and our peers
	To show a Left turn in the zeitgeist	Is as mail-order to the pioneers
	The voters are smitten	R.I.P. Monkey Wards
	With Hillary Clinton	Closing its doors
	The bete noire of the Right-wingers' Web sites.	After 128 years.
30-Dec-00	Bush names James Watt protegee to head Interior Department
	As a candidate, Dubya came courtin'
	The "moderate" mask he was sportin'
	But for saving the earth
	He could hardly do worse
	Than the Watt protegee, Gale Norton.
31-Dec-00	Ravens beat Broncos, 21-3, in AFC wild-card game	Year 2000 top ten names for boys, girls announced
	Denver lost in the big game to Baltimore	One Hanna, two Emily, three Sarah
	And will sit out the Big Games once more	Precede Madison and then Brianna
	Their fans think that, "Some day	Kaylee, and Kaitlyn
	We'll win without Elway,"	Haley (but no Haitlyn)
	But then quoth the Ravens, "Ne'ermore."	Alexis and Liz in cabana.
		Mike, Jake, and Matt win, place and show;
		The three next are Nick, Chris, and Joe;
		Zachary, Josh
		And in the kibosh
		Andy, Will must look up from below.