JUNE 2002
Copyright (c) 2002 by drlimerick.com. All rights reserved.
1 June 2002
A paean to Ari
Fleischer's mendacity
Fleischer's famed
overcapacity
For applying the
art of mendacity
Enhances his role
As the
ace-in-the-hole
For King George to
extend his rapacity.
To "spin"
means to shine the best light
On an unpleasant
fact or insight;
But Ari relies
On out-and-out
lies,
Non-answers, and
personal slights.
The reason he gets
away with it
He's sized up the
press and he's split it;
"Divide and
conquer"
Will drive the
press bonkers
'Til they agree to
no longer permit it.
2 June 2002
Bush Doctrine
II: Pre-emptive strikes
King George has
committed his Reich
To the doctrine of
pre-emptive strikes
Beware, Minnesota
And South Dakota
If you vote a way
he doesn't like!
2 June 2002
Halliburton's woes
attributed to Dresser merger, asbestos
When Hall'burton
took over Dresser
It took on, as
interest-successor
The duty to manage
The asbestos damage
That scared off the
other investors.
Could Cheney have
said to his board,
"Asbestos risk
can be ignored--
I have it all fixed
The law will be
nixed;
They'll call it
'reforming of torts.'"
4 June 2002
Thoroughly Modern
Millie somehow wins Tonies
The big Tony show
of '02
Is set in 1922;
It's based on a
flick
From 1966--
What's
"modern" is not very new!
The movie starred
Andrews, Moore, Channing
Just the same, all
the critics were panning--
The borderline
racist
Plot had no basis
And most of the
tunes had no scanning.
4 June 2002
Quayle blames
Clinton for 9/11: "OBL assumed
we'd just lob another cruise missile"
To Dan someone
ought to explain,
One missile, or
bomb from a plane
Would have missed
Osama
As did George's
bombers
But much cheaper,
and much more humane!
4 June 2002
Salon.com rookie
hacks mediawhoresonline.com
Salon's rookie
Jenny Liberto
Sings Atwater's
tunes and libretto;
Left against Left's
An especially deft
Way to make
Democrats muerto.
4 June 2002
Bush
"concerned" that 9/11 probes may distract intel agencies
Congressional
investigations
Take good agents
away from their stations;
King George is
"concerned,"
That stuff may not
be learned
While the agencies
meet obligations.
Uh, George, it's
just the top guys
Who will go there
and spin alibis--
The worker-bee
grunts
Won't be asked for
such stunts
You've blown it,
George, subterfuge-wise.
4 June 2002
Gephardt: First strike against Saddam OK with him
Dick Gephardt will
say anything
In his quest for
the White House brass ring;
Put him out to
pasture
The better, the
faster
And find a new
Speaker next spring!
5 June 2002
Mitt Romney calls
Utah his home for tax purposes
Corporations are
like barracuda
As they flee to the
shores of Bermuda
To dodge U.S. tax,
But on today's
facts
Ol' Mitt did the
same thing to Utah.
For taxes, Mitt
lives in Park City
Where the skiing
and mountains are pretty
But when running
for gov
He's a resident of
Old Boston, the
urban and gritty.
5 June 2002
FBI too busy
wiretapping whorehouse to follow up 9/11 leads
There is a house in
New Orleans
Where men of
impeccable miens
Would schedule
sessions
And trust the
discretion
Of the madam's fair
Evangelines.
Now the whole town
is thrown in a tizzy
'Cause the FBI
agents were busy
Compiling a list
Of these
adulterists--
And their wives
think, "He's not on it, is he?"
In the bad old days,
J. Edgar Hoover
Just lived for this
kind of maneuver;
All these dossiers
Would fuel power
plays
As he blackmailed
would-be improvers.
This tale should
remind us of why
We don't permit the
FBI
To go around
snooping;
They're not above
stooping
To abuse of what
they learn thereby.
5 June 2002
Bush sneers at his
own EPA's global warming report
When the Bushies
admitted the fact
Of warming, Rush
Limbaugh attacked;
In less than a day
King George had to
say
"Who
cares? They're just all
bureaucrats."
6 June 2002
Bushies admit
they're trying to distract folks from 9/11 hearings
The FBI's J. Edgar
Mueller
Told the Senate,
without turning colors
He needs more
surveillance
In homes and
conveyance
So his dullards
won't get any duller.
The Committee then
heard Agent Rowley
Appearing most
testy and scowl-ly
She told them that
she
Fought the
bureaucracy
But the bureaucrats
beat her, most foully.
We interrupt now,
to announce
That tonight King
George offers his ounce
Of prevention of
terra
And he'll be the
berra
Of concepts that
he'll mispronounce.
The Bushies are not
often candid
About what they do
and who planned it;
There must be a
catch
A plot in the
hatch--
Let's wait to see
who's reprimanded.
6 June 2002
Amtrak broke, may
shut down
If you want to
travel by train
Go to Russia or
England or Spain
For ridin' the
rails
The U.S. has failed
As Amtrak is broke
once again.
7 June 2002
Homeland Security
plan bred in secrecy, shows it
A handful of
Bushies were hunkered
Down in some
sub-basement bunker
To rewrite Security;
Isolation,
obscurity
Made their output a
mishmash of clunkers.
7 June 2002
Bush pretending the
Homeland Plan will be a "hard sell"
He's stealing the
Democrats' thunder
Whose similar plan
is redundered;
When passed, he'll
pretend
He had to defend
From the Democrats'
tearing asunder.
7 June 2002
Bush: Make estate tax repeal permanent
The estate tax
falls like a light dew
On the rich
oligarchical few;
Economical health's
Impaired when the
wealth
Distribution's so
badly askew.
The effect of this
policy Georgian
Is to concentrate
large family fortunes;
How important the
facts
That by the death
tax
The family Bush
does much disgorgin'?
It is a propos and
of merit
To ask how much
George will inherit
And ask how he'll
feel
After death tax
repeal
Removes obligations
to share it.
7 June 2002
Andy Card says too
much to Esquire
White House Chief
of Staff Andrew Card
Says, "With
Karen gone, it will be hard
To keep the House
White
From veering to
Right
With Karl out in
the vanguard."
8 June 2002
Just another slam
on King George
In raging political
battles
From George we get
nothing but prattle;
When stuck without
script
The hard truth is
tipped:
King George is all
hat and no cattle.
9 June 2002
NSA Knew
NSA heard
conversations
Of Atta's hijack
preparations
But it didn't care
The info to share
So it shares guilt
for the devastations.
9 June 2002
Bush warned about
Enron collapse in August 2001
Bush knew about
Enron's position
Long before any
prev'yous admission;
No finger was
raised
To protect the
outplaced;
Ever since, it's
been lies sans remission.
9 June 2002
Texas GOP declares
USA a "Christian Country"
The GOP of the Lone
Star State
Says non-Christians
are all apostates;
These zealots on
mission
To purge all
non-Christians
Can only their
party devastate.
10 June 2002
Ari admits Bush did
not read global warming report
"The trouble
with bureaucrat babble
Is they say too
much quibble and quabble
And all that
skylarkin'
With hard science
jargon
And those words
with too many syllables."
10 June 2002
Ashcroft reveals
"dirty bomb" suspect, who was arrested May 8
The suspect was
nabbed on May 8
But disclosure took
four weeks to wait;
Most likely to push
Bad news for Bush
To the edge of the
media plate.
10 June 2002
Cheney: "First-strike" policy being formalized
Dick Cheney has
promised first strike
On whatever the
Bushies don't like
Whether or not
A terrorist plot--
When it's done,
they will all look alike!
10 June 2002
Ridge: Al Qaida still active everywhere, including
U.S.
We've bombed the
crap out of the Afghans
Without fazing Al
Qaida's captains;
With this kind of
data
It looks like Al
Qaida's
The winner despite
George's grand plan.
10 June 2002
Tyson KO'ed
We ain't heard the
last of Mike Tyson
Despite all the
slicin' and dicin'
Provided by Lewis;
The venom'll spew
as
Soon as the docs
turn his lights on.
11 June 2002
GAO: Clintonites' parting pranks cost $20,000
When your landlord
finds dust in the closet
And keeps a chunk
of your deposit
Per square foot,
you’ve lost
More than Clinton’s
whole cost--
It don’t look that
serious, does it?
12 June 2002
Nader to join
Norquist's ultra-right coffee klatsch
It seems as if
Saint Ralphie Nader
To the Gop is more
eager to cater;
The Dems are impure
So he'll help
ensure
The continued
success of Darth Vader.
12 June 2002
Ashcroft
backtracking on "dirty bomb" plot allegations
Padilla, they said,
had just crawled out
From a rock, to
infect us with fallout
When put to their
proofs
The alluded to
goofs
But will question
him where he can't call out.
12 June 2002
"Great
Writ" of habeas corpus denied to Padilla
Again, Ashcroft
gleefully taunts
Us all with the
power he flaunts;
Civil liberties
Are only a tease--
A dictator does
what he wants.
12 June 2002
Mass. residency
rule may bounce Reich as well as Romney
The Mass. GOP seems
to like
The trade-off of
Romney for Reich;
The Dems try to
hide
Their glee, deep
inside;
They'd prefer to
see Reich take a hike.
12 June 2002
Senate defeats
permanent repeal of estate tax
You can hear, on
the wind that's prevailing
Multi-millionaires
weeping and wailing;
For all of the rest
A deep sigh's
expressed;
Aristocracy's
thwarted, not failing.
13 June 2002
Dems
"find" Rove's Senate predictions
The Dems
"found," with unbounded elation
Rove's slick Power
Point presentation
Lowballing Gop's
chances
Of Senate advances
But wait! Is it disinformation?
14 June 2002
OSU administration
threatens students to stifle Bush protest
It requires no
animadversity
To see fundamental
perversity
When graduates hear
That they'd better
cheer
King George at
their own university.
14 June 2002
Bushies say court
has no jurisdiction over employee's First Amendment claim
You can almost hear
ol' Tricky Dick:
"'Tho' I'm
dead, I think I may be sick;
This dictatorship
Has really eclipsed
The records that we
thought would stick."
14 June 2002
Barr suing Clinton,
Carville, Flynt for "emotional distress"
When Clinton's
impeachment was pressed
Congressman Barr
was distressed
To find that his
friends
Would join his
defense;
They should all
have just acquiesced.
14 June 2002
Earthquake shakes
Yucca Mountain area
Global warming and
nuclear waste
One must be
addressed with great haste
The experts agree,
So naturally
The urgent one will
not be faced.
14 June 2002
Mick Jagger to be
knighted
What is the measuring
stick
The Queen used to
knight Paul and Mick?
I'll bet you a
thousand
She'll pass by Pete
Townsend
But will knight
Elton John double-quick.
15 June 2002
S.C. governor
orders plutonium stopped at state line
There's fear, chaos
and pandemonium
Over shipments of
surplus plutonium;
The unmentioned
factor
Is the nuclear
reactor
That can't run on
cubic zirconium.
16 June 2002
Rehnquist: In time of war, the laws are silent
Chief Justice
William H. Rehnquist
Grabbed power he
will not relinquish
Iron fist, glove of
satin
And maxims in Latin
To wit, "inter
arma silent leges."
17 June 2002
Ken Starr being
investigated by Ohio Ethics panel
Starr's services
were much required
So they were, by
the State, soon acquired;
By ethics unfazed
Starr mostly
fund-raised
For the A.G. by
whom he'd been hired.
17 June 2002
Forest Service
worker charged with starting Colorado wildfire
The note that she
got from her ex
Made her so mad
that she thought that next
She'd feel better
If she burned the
letter
A mistake by which
she'll be long vexed.
18 June 2002
A totally
unprovoked attack on Tucker Carlson
Bow ties can be
trademarks, it's true
Like Chevy and
Budweiser brew
Middlebrow, middle
class
And heavy on gas--
Come to think of
it, that's Tucker, too!
18 June 2002
Ventura says he's
through after son criticized for trashing Mansion
Minnesota's guv,
rough, tough ol' Jesse
Won't seek
re-election unless he
Receives guarantees
That his kid won't
be teased
For leaving the
mansion so messy.
18 June 2002
Rumsfeld sold $91M
in assets, complains about $60K accountants' fees
Selling $8K in
stock shares on line
For a flat fee of
$9.99
Means you're paying
twice
Per buck realized
The fees that are
making Don whine.
18 June 2002
Deep Throat
identity remains a mystery
The announcement,
when made, was a fizzle;
John Dean said that
he'd blow the whistle
On outing Deep
Throat
But Dean missed the
boat
And we all got no
steak and no sizzle.
18 June 2002
"Trifecta"
joke has false basis, but Bush keeps telling it anyway
Let us pause here,
and calmly reflect a
Moment on Bush's
"trifecta;"
On me, the joke
palls
It's overused,
false
With tastelessness
almost perfecta.
19 June 2002
Did George really
read all those philosophers?
You hope that the
White House is jesting
But more likely, it
is just testing
The media nullities
On their
gullibility
And their stomach
for more lie-digesting.
19 June 2002
Homeland Security
Dep't to be non-Civil Service, non-union
Once more, King
George sharpens his saber
To use upon
organized labor;
The GOP's markin'
The collective
bargain
To be nothin' but
worthless paper.
19 June 2002
Hoffa: We're upping our support for GOP
Solidarity's just
so much offal
To the Teamsters'
prez, Jimmy P. Hoffa
"We'll throw
more support
To King George's
court
If our backs he'll
tell Justice 'get off'a!'"
20 June 2002
Southwest Airlines
to charge obese passengers for two seats
Economic'ly
speaking, Southwest
Made the call that
was clearly the best;
Next, I think maybe
People with babies
Should pay more for
noise and unrest.
20 June 2002
Russian Duma
debating free speech/security tradeoff
Somehow, across
some deep dark ocean,
Those Russkies have
gotten the notion
To trade liberty
For security
Takes debate, long
and loud, before motion.
We should send
Ashcroft there to explain
How it's done here,
on our fruited plain;
The executive acts
Then makes up some
"facts"
So that no one will
dare to complain.
20 June 2002
MSNBC to cancel
Alan Keyes
The handwriting was
on the fence;
Alan Keyes may have
been Making Sense
But a big chat show
scholar's
Supposed to Make
Dollars
So with his
services they will dispense.
20 June 2002
Fla. Judge: "This woman [Katherine Harris] is
crazy."
The judge is
concise and succinct
Every syllable is
quite distinct;
In four simple
words
He calmly asserts
The view from each
voting precinct.
20 June 2002
Bush to
California: elect Simon and we'll halt
offshore drilling
King George good as
said he is willing
To halt California
drilling
But he wants, in
return
The voters to spurn
Gray Davis, to give
Simon top billing.
21 June 2002
FBI to investigate
committee investigating the FBI
To the committee:
They're sending out
the FBI
To investigate
leaks on the sly;
And they might just
happen
To find things
entrappin'
So beware of a
blackmail try.
21 June 2002
Arafat willing to
accept Clinton peace plan of December 2000
A year and a half
past the date
Will likely turn
out as too late;
Bush and Sharon
Have plans of their
own
And
"peace" is not there on their plate.
21 June 2002
GOP candidate
threatened -- by GOP -- quits Florida race
Party discipline is
the main rule;
"Don't
run" means, "Now, don't be a fool;
If you want to run
Leave town with the
sun
Lest you feel some
capitalist tools."
21 June 2002
Bush not told when
White House evacuated
The guy flew by the
seat of his pants
And scared the
Executive Manse
But no one told
George
Of the terrorist
scourge
Underscoring his
ir-rel-e-vance.
21 June 2002
Paul Krugman: Bush has the "Fear of All Sums"
"Fuzzy
Math" George will not say
That the FICA tax
you pay today
Goes straight to
your mother
And all of the
other
Old people, without
delay.
Each dollar
invested instead
Means one dollar
less for my Dad;
The payments must
fall,
And this is what
Paul
Arithmeticulously
said.
22 June 2002
Cato Institute
comes out against Bush/Ashcroft repression
As on repressive
tactics we depend
And resemblance to
Nazis has deepened,
Our allies in NATO
And Institute Cato
Agree that we've
gone off the deep end.
22 June 2002
Bush runs fun run
in Mizuno shoes--Buy American, George!!!
Any runner who's
worthy of shoe knows
They photographed
Bush in Mizunos
Not New Balance,
Nike
Brooks or Saucony--
Just what were they
thinking -- well, who knows?
23 June 2002
Anthrax spores were
fairly new
Journalists and
Democrats
Still watch their
bacteriostats
The guy won't be
nabbed
Because he's with a
lab
Of top secret U.S.
technocrats.
23 June 2002
NYT: Smallpox vaccine proposal raises ethical
issues
We're beset by King
George's autarchy
And a populace
drugged to lethargy
M.D.'s with
pathetic
Notions of
"ethics"
Are concerned that
they're all white and starchy.
24 June 2002
CEOs' mythologizing
catches up with them
Bush promised, as
we all well know
To govern like a
CEO--
Cooked books, and
layoffs
And insiders'
payoffs;
It's true! Good job, George! Way to go!
24 June 2002
Bush promises NJ
senators that Amtrak will not shut down
King George wore a
smile sublime
As he promised
Amtrak a few dimes
Imagining days
Of his hero's
praise--
"He's making
the trains run on time."
24 June 2002
Congress may balk
at first-strike against Iraq
I had feared that
the rubber-stamp Congress
Would say little
and then respond less
To the first-strike
attack
George wants for
Iraq;
But there's reason
to hope that's the wrong guess.
25 June 2002
WorldCom hid $3.8
billion loss, starting January 2001
WorldCom saw a
green light
At the fetes of
inaugural night;
As they danced the
last dance
They saw their big
chance
With the prospects
of punishment slight.
The passage of time
will reveal
More examples of
people who feel
Bush vs. Gore
Opened the door--
When counting rules
were all repealed.
25 June 2002
Markets tumbling
due to accounting scandals
As you ride the
NASDAQ or Dow
Your ears may be
hurting you, now
Try yawning, or gum
To remedy some
Of the pressure
from plummeting down.
25 June 2002
Librarians don't
know how to stop FBI from snooping lending records
The "USA
Patriot" Act
Gives G-Men the
power they'd lacked
To see if you read
Subversive screeds
So they can see to
it you're tracked.
Librarians find
this appalling
And for legal help
they'd be calling
But they're off to
jail
And held without
bail
If they speak of
any such trawling.
If they, once a
borrowed book's back
Would promptly
erase and redact
All possible traces
Of names, dates or
faces--
Now, THAT is a patriot's
act.
25 June 2002
Bush turns out to
be shill for Sharon
King George's
much-heralded plan
To bring peace to
the Holy Land
Was drafted, I
b'lieve
Right in Tel-Aviv
Killing peace talks
before they began.
26 June 2002
Ninth Circuit rules
"under God" in Pledge is unConstitutional
The decision was
timed, I am told
So WorldCom's
"below the fold;"
But summer vacation
Allows the whole
nation
To put the whole
matter on hold.
I belong to the
ACLU
But I'm here to
strongly tell you--
When the whole
Constitution
Seems to face
dissolution
Find a crack to let
this one fall through.
26 June 2002
Ashcroft removes
public's trustee in PG&E bankruptcy case
John Ashcroft
helped PG&E
By removing the
public's trustee;
She'll soon be
replaced
By a trustworthy,
chaste
Corporate shill,
GOP.
26 June 2002
Zell Miller: ABC stifling free speech in July 4 special
Zell Miller thinks
it is a breach
Of our sacred right
to free speech
If ABC sponsors
A July the Fourth
concert
And leaves out his
boy, Toby Keith.
26 June 2002
Bush: No deals with Arafat, even if re-elected
King George is
apparently jealous
Of all of the
world-wide fellas
Whose authority
Comes from majority
Of votes, not from
what the courts tell us.
27 June 2002
Bush vows inquiry
into WorldCom scandal
WorldCom isn't from
Texas
And to oil biz it
has no nexus
Its cash
contributions
Won't buy
absolution--
They'll take this
in their solar plexus.
27 June 2002
Supremes allow
school vouchers
The same crew as
Bush vs. Gore
Voted again, 5-4
Much damage to
wreak u-
pon Brown v. Topeka
Segregation their
goal to restore.
27 June 2002
Martha Stewart's
problems just getting bigger
The doyenne of
housewomanship
Is wishing from
town she could skip;
As she thinks of
prison
And widespread
derision--
Oops!! Schadenfreudian slip.
28 June 2002
Bush: I'll name judges who agree "our rights
were derived from God"
The Framers, in
Article VI
Said that religion
is nixed
As qualification
For serving the
Nation
To prevent just
this sort of cheap tricks.
28 June 2002
Voucher battle heads
for the states
Public funds for
parochial schools
Is a goal for which
the Right Wing drools;
Academies Christian
Will make it their
mission
To brainwash the
kids to their rules.
Another big point
in its favor
Is the harm it does
organized labor
AFT, NEA
Will wither away
And their Democrat
PACs go to vapor.