FEBRUARY 2002

FEBRUARY 2002

1 Feb 2002

Bush advocating watered-down 401(k) reform

The reforms that Bush now advocates

Can be summed as "too little, too late"

It's quite clear to all

He's trying to stall

Reforms that his clientele hates.

1 Feb 2002

Security tight for Super Bowl XXXVI

Security's tight for the game;

At the White House, it won't be the same--

S.B. XXXVI

Will have no pretzel sticks;

Some other snack will get the blame.

1 Feb 2002

Osama: "freedom and human rights in America are doomed"

Osama forecast the demise

Of American freedom and rights;

With Ashcroft and Bush

To give them a push

He may, in the end, turn out right.

2 Feb 2002

DNC Chair McAuliffe made killing on Global Crossing stock

The Dems all hope that Enron will

Help recapture Capitol Hill;

But they'll hit the wall if

Terry McAuliffe

Is perceived as a corporate shill.

3 Feb 2002

Patriots win Super Bowl, 20-17

The Patriots, cast as the lambs

To be slaughtered by St. Louis Rams

Led most of the way

And won on the last play--

In the face of St. Lou the door slammed.

3 Feb 2002

Lay backs out of Monday testimony

The lawyers who counsel Ken Lay

Came forward this morning to say

He won't testify

And the reason why

Is the Senators' minds he can't sway.

They must have forgotten to mention

That Lay would be smart for abstention;

Revelations each day

Make it evident Lay

Will be spending some time in detention.

3 Feb 2002

Andersen turns to Volcker to rehabilitate its reputation

Andersen turned to Paul Volcker

To signal investors and brokers

That they're mending their ways:

"No more Ken Lays"

'Til the Enron debacle's blown over.

4 Feb 2002

Intel to unveil prototype 10-gig microprocessor

You'd-a-thunk 1.4 gigs was fast,

But soon they'll be things of the past;

Intel's newest chip

In a few years will ship--

It'll answer before you can ask.

4 Feb 2002

Greta van Susteren gets makeover for Fox

Greta used to think it her duty

To publicize brains before beauty;

But now she's at Fox

Where a girl who just talks

Will soon be replaced by a cutie.

4 Feb 2002

Senate Commerce Committee will subpoena Lay

Somebody should warn Kenneth Lay

The Senate's a poor place to play

One-upmanship games;

These Senators aim

To teach him they'll brook no delay.

5 Feb 2002

Bush rebuffs Hollings's call for special prosecutor

If you had any lingering notion

That Bush would show zeal and devotion

To clearing the air

Over his tender care

Of Enron, just dump that emotion.

"We don't need no special pros'cutor!

‘MY’ DOJ troubleshooters

Will follow the money

Like flies after honey

And see that our traces are obscutored."

6 Feb 2002

Queen Elizabeth celebrates Golden Jubilee

In '52, up in a tree

Princess E. learned that she was the Queen;

Events of years past

Mean she might be the last

But for now it's the Gold Jubilee!

So far, the Brits remain loyal

To the oddball bunch they call The Royals;

But the publicized quarrels

Of Diana and Charles

Have the image indelibly soiled.

Those who to the Royals are anti

Say the Royals' behavior gives scanty

Justification

For person'fication

Of the Nation by Royals so randy.

And other Brits now realize

They can't the past idealize;

They're only a province

Of E.U., not sov'reigns

So it's past time to de-Royalize.

So, maybe it's all for the best

That the reign of the Second Queen Bess

Be the end of the Royals

And from now on, the toils

Of the "Prince" will be those of the rest.

7 Feb 2002

Gephardt: Campaign finance reform doesn't favor Dems

Dick Gephardt, responding to Hastert

Said, "Control from the Gop won't be wrested

By finance reform;

It just restores the norm

Where we haven't by donors been mastered."

Now, Dick's gotta say what he said,

But Hastert's a smart man to dread

Controls on donations

'Cause he needs TV stations--

Without propaganda he's dead.

7 Feb 2002

Taliban, but not al Qaida, to be treated as POWs

Bush has done the right thing at long last

About captured guys at "Gitmo" massed

The Geneva Accords

For the Taliban hordes

But no slack for the al Qaida caste.

7 Feb 2002

How much is Ronald Reagan's childhood home worth?

The Park Service thought 400 thous'

A fair price for Ron Reagan's house;

The owners are willin'

To take 3.5 million:

"To honor Big Ron, we will gouge."

8 Feb 2002

My daughter asked -- When will the war end?

If you're wanting the end of the war, well

It all was predicted by Orwell;

In "1984"

Oceania's war

Went on just as long as it wore well.

8 Feb 2002

O'Neill, Byrd quarrel over "Lilliputian" remark

Where did Bush get the delusion

He's Gulliver, we're Lilliputians?

"His" success is on basis

Of Pop's friends in high places

And contempt for U.S. Constitution.

11 Feb 2002

Winter Olympics under way

Some naysayers, scoffers and cynics

Might say that the Winter Olympics

Is aimed at fanatics

Of buff babes in spandex

On the tube, yet!! Much better than skin flix.

13 Feb 2002

So far, so good for Shays-Meehan

Campaign reform by Shays-Meehan,

Chaste and virginal for the time bein'

May, in the next hours,

Be by violence deflowered

To judge by amendments we're seein'.

13 Feb 2002

FERC orders inquiry into California energy crisis

A year past the energy crisis

At last FERC will view the devices

Used by Enron, et alia

To cause market failure

Yielding cash of which Bush got large slices.

[14-19 Feb 2002: Vacation]

20 Feb 2002

USAF drops Bush's picture, $100 bills on Afghanistan

'Though the Afghans were probably thrilled

At the windfall of hundred-buck bills

It must be quite irksome

To have Georgie, all smirksome

As litter all over their hills.

20 Feb 2002

Rumsfeld: Office of Strategic Influence will tell the truth

Don Rumsfeld said, "The OSI's

Functions do not include lies;"

But if disinformation

Is in the equation

Lying now just might strike him as wise.

21 Feb 2002

Supreme Court to rule on Sonny Bono Copyright Extension Act

If it's published after '23

For twenty more years, guaranteed--

For performance or practice

Or Internet access

You'll have to pay royalty fee.

The Bono Act, so critics claim

Means to keep from the public domain

Mickey Mouse and Great Gatsby,

Jake Barnes and Brett Ashley,

And other such freshman Lit names.

Now, Congress for sure has the right

To set the term of copyright;

But it has no effect

When your Forster or Brecht's

Gone gentle into that good night.

So the purpose is not to promote

Authors, or artists, or poets;

It's just one more crummy

Way to steer money

Into coffers where Congressmen owe it.

21 Feb 2002

Interest in Peace Corps rising

Bush said he's expanding the Peace Corps

As he's planning the we'll-never-cease wars;

A nice dividend

Is that shipping off Dems

Might increase his votes, and decrease Gore's.

21 Feb 2002

Pickering nomination fight confuses Mississippi redistricting

The parties have long since quit dickering

On a compromise over Judge Pickering;

So the redistrict fight

Goes to judges on Right

As the Democrats' prospects are flickering.

21 Feb 2002

Gore, Reid, others: Bush lied about Yucca Mountain

As Bush keeps on running amucca

He's become a supreme mothafucca;

Our allies are pissed

One by one, they've been dissed;

And the nu-q-lar waste goes to Yucca.

21 Feb 2002

Bush, toasting Japanese, forgets WWII

"For a century-plus there's been peace

Between the U.S. and the Japanese;

Forget Iwo Jima

Bataan, Hiroshima;

And Dad’s premature (nearly) decease."

24 Feb 2002

Osama now said to be alive

They now say Osama bin Laden

Away from our soldiers has gotten;

Those making such claims

That we've met our war aims

Are clearly by power besotten.

24 Feb 2002

Bush wants to starve Superfund, let polluters off the hook

Superfund's breakthrough solution

Was "Polluter must pay for pollution,"

But naturally Bush,

By puppeteers pushed

Gave p'lluters complete absolution.

24 Feb 2002

Wreck of HMS Sussex, lost in 1694, could hold $4 billion in coin

To Savoy went HMS Sussex

With cash for the Duke and the Duchess

But she sank in the Med.,

Which argu'bly led

To revolt in New York and Mass'chuh'setts.

They've found an immense treasure trove

For dwellers in academe's groves

But no doubt the gold's

The primary hold

On the hearts of the fellows who drove.

24 Feb 2002

As Bush's "approval" wanes, "liberal" Post omits the question

When King George was safe on a roll

With “stratospheric” "approval" polls

The Washington Post

Would ask folks, foremost,

If they "approved" how he'd handled the role.

But now that "approval" is waning,

Is the great Post abruptly abstaining

From popping the question

To dodge the suggestion

That good sense and fair play might be gaining?

I’d bet the Q was, after all

A part of the Post pollster’s call;

But we’re not s’posed to know

Bush "approval" is low

'Til after the 'lections of fall.

25 Feb 2002

Bush, Rumsfeld don't quite say DoD disinformation office will be scrapped

The Office of Strategic Lies

By 'most everyone is despised;

But it seems Bush is hopin'

To keep the place open

But hidden behind a disguise.

25 Feb 2002

Supreme Court won't rule on 10 Commandments cases

If your gov’nor wants to demagogue

With a monument of the Decalogue

And a lawsuit you lodge--

Well, it's up to your judge

'Cause the Court won’t join the dialog.

25 Feb 2002

Bush to try again for ANWR drilling

It's quite clear that Bush isn't willing

To veer from the plan that he's shilling;

For the rich he wants tax cuts

And the rape of Alaska

And the rest of us soon face the billing.

25 Feb 2002

Air Force to put "Let's Roll" device on some aircraft

The Air Force is trying to be

Like the heroes of Flight 93;

But some people think

There's a closer link

Than a photo for publicity.

Conspiracy theories abound:

Some witnesses, safe on the ground

Heard an explosion

While the plane was in motion

As if someone was shooting it down.

To knock the plane out of the skies

May have been a call gutsy and wise

But if that is so

Then painting "Let's Roll"

Reeks of tastelessness, sans alibis.

26 Feb 2002

Bush speechwriter Frum, "Axis of Evil" coiner, "resigns"

Once a bright fellow named Frum

Wrote a speech for a president dumb

He, chuckling gleeful

Put in "Axis of Evil"

Expecting deletion therefrom.

But, much to his vast consternation,

The prez read the phrase to the nation--

The mess diplomatic

Got more problematic;

For a scapegoat, 'twas a situation.

In attempt to keep crisis abated

Frum was the one designated,

To get Mr. Frum

To keep it all mum

He "resigned" with a letter backdated.

27 Feb 2002

Georgia's on Bush's mind

We're sending our Green Beret teams

To Georgia, because our brass deems

Their troops must be trained

And our doctrines explained

And not for a fight, as it seems.

I suspect that the mission's a sham;

Soon our guys will get into a jam

And then while we sleep

The weed, "mission creep"

Will take over, like in Vietnam.

27 Feb 2002

Congressman Blagojevich (D-Ill.) gets $728K from former law practice

Congressman Blag-oj-e-vich

Is getting exceedingly rich

From lawyer days, he's

Got contingency fees--

So it's all, every dime, quite legitch.

27 Feb 2002

Greenspan comments lift markets in AM, but they fall back in PM

Al Greenspan, the market's gendarme

Is in need of a rest at the farm;

Although the Street heard

His ev-e-ry word

They didn't succumb to his charm.

27 Feb 2002

GOP to kill election reform over photo ID requirement

First-time voters are likely to be

Democrats, not GOP;

To keep them from voting

The Gop is promoting

The use of a photo ID.

28 Feb 2002

(Florida House Speaker) Feeney's aide's qualifications questioned

"She may not know squat 'bout computers

Or stuff that's taught by college tutors,

Her qualifications

To assist legislation

Are the ones she used working at Hooters."

28 Feb 2002

Fleischer blames Clinton for Middle East violence

Said Ari, "The quick escalation

Of the dangerous Mid-East conflagration

Is due to Bill Clinton

Who left, before quittin'

The bigotry of high expectations."

But Camp David accords were corrupted

When Bushie Dick Perle interrupted

Telling Barak, "Hang tough

And leave in a huff

So Clinton's big play is disrupted."

28 Feb 2002

EPA Regulatory Enforcement head quits, rips Bush, Norton

"I can't cut pollution from fuels

When Bush and his corporate tools

Wreck all my efforts,

Then scheme and endeavor

To eviscerate all of the rules."

28 Feb 2002

Bush Sr. apologizes to Marin for John Walker Lindh remarks

"I got into very hot water

For saying things I hadn't oughta

About child rearing;

And I've sure been hearing

'Bout the wacky ways of my granddaughters."